High School Hauntings

There was this ridiculous drama thing on Facebook (which is actually a pet peeve of mine – drama on Facebook) involving me and some “friends” from high school. We’re planning our 10-year reunion, which is awesome. Except some people want to invite a number of past students who didn’t graduate with the class of 2001. Some of them didn’t even go to our high school. I think that is really silly, so I stated that I believed only the class of 2001 should attend the reunion of the class of 2001. Doesn’t this scream common sense? But apparently, this simple statement has offended many. I have been accused of being rude and disgusting, and was told I should be ashamed of myself. “But we grew up together! I *feel* like I am in the class of 2001!” – okay, except you weren’t. And yeah, we all grew up with a lot of people…doesn’t mean we should invite them all. People are still complaining about what I said on the Facebook reunion group. It’s mildly amusing, but more annoying.

All of this crap got me thinking about the days of waking up at the crack of dawn, and riding the short bus the few blocks to KHS. My time in high school was fairly positive, save a few minor annoyances (like when I got in trouble for writing an article for the newspaper about how our science labs had no running water – HOW IS THAT SAFE?) and the typical teenage heartbreaks from love unrequited. But I know that there was a lot of drama within our high school, as there is in most high schools. I wasn’t really a part of that, mostly because I was too busy being a loner and eating my lunch in the nurse’s office with one of my friends.  Well, don’t get me wrong – I was gossiper, but I was never directly involved in what the gossip was about. Probably because my life was fairly boring – at least, compared to most other hormonal teenagers. I never had a boyfriend around that age, my friends were all pretty straight-laced-nerdy-nose-in-a-book type people, and I was extremely introverted outside my small circle of said friends. But this whole thing on Facebook now just shows me how some people are still trapped in that high school mode. Keyport is a small town, and I know a lot of folks have stayed friends/in touch, so I guess that has a lot to do with it. But when I graduated high school, most of the people in my circle of friends moved away. The ones that didn’t sort of faded away, busy doing their own thing. I am so very far removed from everyone and anything having to do with my days in Keyport High School, and I think that is for the better. Not that I don’t get nostalgic for the days of art class, goofing off with my friends, and talking about the latest episode of Invader Zim. I do miss that close-knit friendship that I had in high school. I have a group of close friends now, a community I am a part of, but they all live so far away.

I wish all my zine friends could live in Keyport.




Spring Anxiety!

It’s 79 degrees outside, and it smells wonderful. After months of blizzards, it’s certainly a welcome change. If I wasn’t such an hermit, I’d go for a walk downtown or even around the block – but I’m content sitting in my house, sneezing my head off, and enjoying the scent of spring. Even if it makes my face stuffy.

I was off this past week from school, and I spent most of that time working on the distro. I’ve also had bursts of creative energy, but I’ve been too tired from the time change to channel that energy into any writing projects. I really want to make a fifth issue of my zine Driving Blind – I just need to find the strength. Writing takes a lot out of me, mentally. Words don’t flow like they used to, and that is partially why I have this blog. They say the more you write, the more you want to write and the easier it is. I think that’s true, and it has helped me, ever so slightly. Also, I’ve had to write a lot for school, so that’s good.

I want to go back for my Masters in English, but I fear that my anxiety will get the best of me. I am so completely introverted, and I’ve noticed how it’s gotten worse over the years. This isn’t to say that being introverted is a bad thing – millions of people are – but coupled with anxiety, it’s not a fun thing. I know that I am very nervous around large groups of people, I don’t like talking in front of people, I am nervous about not being able to write well enough, I am nervous about not getting good enough grades…the list goes on and on. And I know how difficult it can be for me to write, so being forced to write all.the.time, long papers – I don’t know if I can. But I always believe it’s important for me to try and push through my anxiety. I can’t let that be an extra barrier.

I’ve actually just started being more open with myself about my anxiety. I know I get panic attacks sometimes, especially in the middle of the night. I’ve learned to deal with them myself, so they are definitely not as bad as they used to be. But I worry to much about things. I have a perfectionist’s mind, and if it isn’t just right, I obsess over it until it is. And then I worry it isn’t good enough, and I never think it is. I don’t really want to get too deep into my anxiety here, but I think being honest with myself about it helps too.

Well, that was certainly a random post.